Waiting with the Snowflakes

A poem I just finished writing...

Waiting with the Snowflakes

Snowflakes white, and soft as down,
Now they fall without a sound
Outside still; inside silent
While she waits for little tyrant.
Family soon to grow to three
Little one coming for Daddy n’ me.
Almost here, snowflakes whisper
Kisses for lil’ girl or small mister.
End draws near, she can feel
Stirrings- can it be for real?

Father, mother, new sweet one
All await as days be nearly done.
Little snowflakes falling down,
Little knit clothes in a small mound.
Inward shadows growing round
Now, in God’s love we leave our fear
Go shall shadows, they disappear.

A Monday Journaling Page

Outside my window…Green and wet is the grass this morning. The air itself looks grey this morning, when you look out the window you can almost envision the water in the air, a cool, damp, fall sort of day. A few orange leaves lay scattered in the grass and caught amongst the blackberry bushes thorns. All is still. If I look hard I can almost see the branches waving in time with a little breeze, but whether this is my imagination or a reality I cannot determine. I keep talking of fall and how it is coming closer and closer with each journaling page I write, but it is not quite here yet. Not quite. Almost, the trees are turning colors and scattering their leaves, the grey sky and the chill air seem to speak of fall, the wet grass this morning, it all indicates fall, and soon, very soon it will be. The calendar already proclaims it is, but it isn’t quite yet. When it is I plan on going out and taking pictures of everything, for I love fall pictures, but not yet, not till I can look out my window and say “It is fall.” Rather than “It is seeming like fall today.”

I’m listening…to soft piano music flouting through the house, soft relaxing music that makes me feel sleepy and yet at the same time like writing about this that and everything.

I’m wearing…A cream knit sweater with short cap style sleeves and a large swooping style neckline. I love sweaters! They’re so warm and cozy and they just seem to make everything happy! I’m also wearing a pair of jeans and my hair is down and falling in crazy waves around my shoulders.

I’m reading…Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, ever since I watched the new movie I’ve had a plot for a blog post simmering in my mind, but I wanted to re-read the book before I wrote it up. However Mr. Rochester makes me so annoyed sometimes I have to throw down the book in disgust (GAH! MR. ROCHESTER!) And pick up one an L. M. Montgomery. Her books never fail to make me happy!

I’m thinking…about how the written word differs from the spoken. Sometimes it so much easier to express yourself through the written word, for me most of the time, it’s so much easier to get into a flow of what you are saying, to choose the right words, to find a flowing unbroken way of speaking and expressing what you are thinking, and yet on the other hand it is so much easier to be misunderstood through the written. Most of the time it is because you need to work harder at making complete sentences, when you are speaking face to face with someone you can trail off leaving your sentence hanging in the air and finish it by an expressive shrug and the person you are talking to understands by what you are saying with your eyes or your facial expression rather than the words that come from your lips. Or when you are trying to express sympathy, it’s so easy in real life to show how you are feeling by giving the person a hug. Perhaps that is why I like writing so much, there’s no real easy way out; you have to express yourself through words rather than body language. And the beauty of words is you can make them mean so much, I know I’ve talked about this before but it’s something I’ve really been thinking about. Words can hurt someone so much, I know I’ve been more hurt by words than anything else; words that were unintentionally hurtful, carless words that hurt so much, words can bring so much joy also though. Simply by talking about a memory that you shared with someone you can indicate that you love that memory, that the friend is someone special to you, someone you love spending time with.

From the kitchen…some baked good sounds good for today! Some warm cookie or bread! But where to find the time I don’t know! Perhaps tomorrow…

I’m creating…so many things! I have the plot for a new story bobbing and bouncing back and forth in my head and I’m working on knitting my first sweater, a little sweater for Ella! Oh I love knitting! I love that I can knit away with my hands and flout away with my head, letting my thoughts wander. Knitting really is such a nice thing to do while one is thinking, and there are always so many things just to think about, aren’t there? And I just finished drawing a new picture of a girl and a bird with words and music and lavender flouting all around them…I was rather proud of it. I spent a long time working on the small details and the shading.

Around the house…what I would like the best, the very best today is to crawl away into my bed and take a nap. Then perhaps have coffee. I’m just so sleepy today! I feel like I could lay down and like ‘Sleeping Beauty’ sleep and sleep for a hundred years.

One of my favorite things…When you are just about to go to sleep, it’s been such a full, such a very full day and you stretch out under your covers and know you can lay there for the entire night listening to the fan whir and watching your curtains blow in and out and all about.

A picture thought I’m sharing…

The Beauty of the Rosary

"Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus..."

I think perhaps, the most beautiful thing about the rosary is it gives you the words when you have none. When you are on your knees and you can’t pick yourself up and all the words that seem to come are “Oh Lord…” You search for the right words, search for any words at all, but you find yourself as inarticulate as you used to be when you ran to your Mom with some hurt and all you could do was cry out “Mama!” as you clutched at her knees.

Just as your Mother used to understand exactly what you needed without your saying it does God know what is truly in your heart, only more so. Sometimes you need to voice those words though, voice those feeling you perhaps don’t understand completely yourself, and suddenly you have the right words…

“Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen.”

How much comfort is there in those words that you repeat again and again as you finger the round beads of your rosary; how much comfort in being able to voice those feelings into words, and yet be listening at the same time. So often when I am simply sitting trying to pray my mind wanders unconsciously, from this to that it flutters, but the prayers of the Rosary always bring it back again.

There is such a feeling of peace while saying the rosary, by yourself, or with a crowd of others. Over the course of the World Youth Day trip we said the rosary many times as a group, at least once a day. On the bus, in shrines and cathedrals, while walking, and I think it really brought us closer together as a group. There is something about praying the rosary together that will always bring people together, perhaps because often when we go to pray the rosary together we are at our most vulnerable.

You are vulnerable and your soul is suddenly opened to growth, alone or with others, vulnerable at the same time and you pray the rosary together.

You have gone to the rosary because you are suddenly mercilessly knocked to the ground. You are sitting in the hospital waiting room, your hands shaking and tears blurring your eyes; you know suddenly there is no hope but you can’t seem to let go. You know you will have to, yet your fingers won’t loosen their clutched grasp: that is when you go to the rosary.

You have gone to the rosary because you are filled to the bursting with a complete joy and thanksgiving, so much so you simply have to pray. You have to say thank you, have to find some way of expressing your complete and utter joy in that moment or burst: that is when you go to the rosary.

You have gone to the rosary because you are left completely confused. No one understands what you are going though, you can’t blame them, you don’t quite understand this flood of mixing emotions that go spinning through you, but there is someone who understands. He understands you when you don’t understand yourself, He understands, that is when you go to the rosary.

Vulnerable, all your defenses and put together fronts are wiped away in those moments when you have gone to the rosary as a refuge.

Even in those times when you are simply at peace and the words of the rosary only add to that peace and quiet sense of calm, in those moments also you grow together praying the rosary with others.

Praying the rosary is a reminder too, a reminder of how truly Catholicism is Universal. I had one of those moments on the WYD trip, and I think perhaps for me it was one of the most memorable moments of the entire trip. We were kneeling before the incorrupt body of St. Bernadette in Nevers praying the rosary. Our words had taken that steady rhythm you get into after a while, that steady flow of words and then that quick pause for breath and a steady flow or words once again. After a while I noticed a voice that went on through our pauses and who, though speaking with us, was praying to a complete different rhythm than ours. I glanced over and there was kneeling a lady who was fingering her rosary in time with us, yet her words were in French whilst ours English.

For me this made a bigger impression than even when we were saying the rosary with hundreds of others in different languages. Probably because it was the first time, it was if suddenly I had come in contact with something I had thought about and marveled at for a long time, and suddenly I was part of. A realization of how our Faith truly does cross countries, language differences, differences of opinion and lifestyles, and one of the many ways we were brought together was by those simple words; the words of the rosary.

The Rosary I brought to World Youth Day with me to be blessed by the Holy Father

“By its nature the recitation of the rosary calls for a quiet rhythm and a lingering pace, helping the individual to meditate on the mysteries of the Lord’s life as seen through the eyes of her who was closest to the Lord. In this way the unfathomable riches of these mysteries are unfolded.”

 –Pope Paul VI

“Pray, hope and don’t worry.”

–Saint Pio of Pietrelcina   

Once Upon a Time and Fairytales

Once Upon a Time

I love fairytales. You may have noticed from the way many come to find a home in my blog. Quotes of fairytales, favorite pictures from fairytales, they have seemed to make their way without my very knowledge into and around my blog, so I have decided it is time to do an actual post on fairytales. I feel in the mood to revel over my favorite fairytale illustrations.

Is there anything more magical than the words "Once Upon a Time..." ? I suppose so... the words "...and They Lived Happily Ever After."

When I am shelving books in the children's section of the library I always fly through shelving most of the books so I can take my time in shelving the Fairytales. You always find the very best ones there. With such beautiful illustrations! Just so gorgeous I want to flip through the pages for hours!

"The more truley we can see life as a fairytale, the more clearly the tale resolves itself into a war with the Dragon who is wasting fairyland."

-G. K. Chesterton

"Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."

-G.K. Chesterton

...and a song from my favorite Disney fairytale movie

*sentimental sigh*

"If I'm honest I have to tell you I still read Fairytales, and like them best of all."

-Audrey Hepburn

Journaling Page

Outside my window…clouds spread thick across the sky, growing thin and letting the blue sky peep through in some areas, but mostly all that is to be seen is the white grey clouds. They hide the sunlight from view and shadows take advantage of this, casting themselves over the trees and across the yard. A dark shadowed day, with even the dandelion puff-balls still and without movement in the grass. If you look high enough in the trees, some leaves can be seen rustling gently but not many; only a few especially playful little leaves. The water on the pond is calm, calm and still, the breeze seems to have spent all its strength in playing with the leaves up high in the trees and has no more energy to send the water rippling and twirling across the pond. It is an in-between sort of day. Not summer nor yet fall, it is simply an in-between-er day, a day without warm sunshine, hinting of summer, and chill breezes, proclaiming fall.

I’m wearing…jeans, a new black and white striped top, and my new black flats wait for me at the door, along with my coat and a scarf. Whatever the weather may be like at the present moment I am ready for fall, and I shall determinedly wear warm thick sweaters, knit dresses, scarves and coats, hoping that if fall sees this open admiration of him he shall come and join me in my fall readiness.

I’m listening to…the unsteady, rather unpremeditated “click” “click” as my fingers hit the keyboards to form these words. The words come in seemingly random bursts; all will be silent for a few moments as I think about which words to use and then suddenly my fingers burst into a flying dance (which they seem to enjoy very much) then all is silent once more. Thinking, thinking, thinking, writing…

From the kitchen…I love the kitchen in the morning. I love the sounds of the coffee maker steaming and brewing on the counter, the teapot whistling merrily in a steady burst of steam, a loud smash of a knife or cupboard door rattling, and the patter of little feet running across the floor looking for something yummy for their rumbley tummies. I love the smells of toast being browned or breakfast made, the delicious smell of coffee brewing flouting everywhere, the smell of coca that my brothers are making, and the cup of coffee (yes, coffee again) warm in my hands. Such good morning sounds and smells, wafting from the depths of the kitchen.

I’m reading…I’m in a rather skip from one book to the next sort of mood. I feel like reveling in all my favorite parts of my favorite books so I will pick up an old favorite for a day, curl up with it for a happy hour enjoying it wholeheartedly then I decide to pick up a different one that this book has made me long for. So I flitter from the pages of one book to the next quite contentedly. There are a few books I would like to look up at the library when I have the time though, perhaps before I work today.

One of my favorite things… laying in bed for those first few moments after waking up. Before the thoughts of the day flood into your mind, before you think of all the things you need to do that day, or even before you think of all the things you hope to do. The best moment is that state between sleep and wake, where you really are still half asleep and yet you can feel your toes wiggle under the covers that are both warm and cool at the same time. You watch the curtains blow on the wind created by the fan, blow out in billows like sails on a ship and then ripple and fall back till they billow again. You can see the morning sunshine sneaking through the gaps in-between the curtains and you feel that you could lay here forever, and then you wake up for real and know you must get up.

Around the house…oh there are so many things I would like to do around the house right now, but most of all I should like to curl up in a comfy chair with a blanket thrown around me and a book in my hand, it is that sort of morning.

I am creating…I am rather excited to begin a new knitting project. My Mama has found a pattern for a sweater she would like me to make for Ella and I can’t wait to get started! I can’t wait to go and look at new yarns and feel how soft, to squeeze the yarn and decide which one I would like to work with. My fingers are itching to get those needles in my hands and start creating that steady rhythm of knit stitches coming down and across my needles.

I’m thinking… Oh dear this is sad, I’m trying so hard to think of what I am thinking! But thoughts come and go so fast! Have you ever thought of that? Really they do. You are listening to a song on the radio, it makes you think of a person you know, which makes you think of what they are doing, perhaps they are on vacation somewhere…which makes you think of vacation and snow, which makes you think of Advent and preparations for Christmas, which makes you think of ice-skating, which makes you think of breaking your arm ice-skating last January, which makes you think of having your arm in a cast, which makes you think of fainting. And there you are! In the course of an instant you have gone from thinking about a song you are listening to- to fainting! And it seems quite random to suddenly say, oh I was thinking about the time I fainted! How, may we ask, did you come to be thinking about that while writing a Journaling Page? I don’t know…I don’t know…

A few plans for the rest of the week…Oh so many plans! But most of all I hope to do some practice driving since I start my first class of Drivers Ed in exactly a week.

I’m pondering…(takes on solemn face) I am pondering the repercussions of over indulgence in the bedtime hours by staying up late. Too late, I mean. If you stay up late into the night you may not be able to get up in the morning…unless you never go to sleep! Yes and stay up forever on the pure power of coffee! Now there’s an idea! I think it would be a very good thing if someone invented a machine to pull you up out of your comfy bed and dumped you depressingly in the cold hard bathtub.  I should call it the “Hard Cold Reality Machine” and I should abuse it soundly during the day by every hour going in and making faces at it, but I should secretly be grateful for it, till the day I suddenly went insane and grabbed a large pillow next to me and started smacking it “you ruined my beautiful dream!” and then the robot would say “Welcome. To. Hard. Cold. Reality.” In a metallic fake voice and I would go off into hysterical laughter for no reason at all.

A picture thought I am sharing…this is an absolutely adorable photo of Ella I took yesterday! I am rather proud of it! I love taking pictures, especially close up ones where the background gets blurry but the object of your photography is sharp and clear.  

My quote for the day...

“A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning, as if supported by the rays of the sun, a bird settled on the fire escape, joy in the task of coffee, joy accompanied me as I walked.”

–Anais Nin