I am thinking…
With a click, click, click, I write out several different sentences with which I could begin, and with a solid smack to the backspace key I erase them all. I’m finding it rather difficult to know where to begin today. With so many thoughts bouncing around how can I settle down and choose just one? At the moment, you see, I’m thinking many little thoughts, and there is not one which I can pick out from the many as of more importance or more weight.
I’m thinking of how very strange it is to write out two thousand and twelve rather than two thousand and eleven. I’m thinking of my rather peculiar dislike of inserting numbers into my nice orderly paragraphs formed of words (thus why I chose to write it out). I’m thinking of the two other blog posts I am currently devising. I’m thinking of my new year’s resolutions, which I shall include at the end of this journaling page. I’m thinking about this coming year and what it shall hold. I have a little day to day calendar in front of me, the type that you rip off a page for each day, and I’m thinking rather sentimentally about all of the things that will happen as each page is ripped away.
I’m also thinking (rather sentimentally and wistfully this time) of all of last year’s pages that we have posted up around our house as New Year’s decorations. Moving forward and letting go. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Thinking of the days we can never return to always makes me slightly sad. I know that the future days will be a lovely and by the end of next year I will be in just such a mood about them, but I can’t help looking back at the past year and not quite wanting to let it go. There were so many reasons to love the dear old year, there will be so many reasons to love the dear new year also but just yet we aren’t quite friends yet. I’m still feeling rather unfriendly towards the New Year as its coming has made the old year, with which I was such friends, have to say goodbye. Give me a few days and I will love the New Year just as well, but for the moment I am still saying goodbye.
Goodbye to the younger half of sixteen. Goodbye to my trip to WYD, to the joy and pain and growth of that time. Goodbye to many happy little moments, talking into the wee hours of the morning with a friend with my Mama peaking her head around the door and telling me to look at my clock and see what the hour was! Goodbye to those days but not to what we took from them and not from the memories which they bring to mind. Goodbye to our old selves, I think that’s what makes me feel the most wistful. We won’t ever be the same. I won’t be the same. I will never feel all the same things that I felt being sixteen in the old year. My sister is growing bigger and changing from a baby to a big girl at a rate that leaves me astonished. My fourteen year old brother Marcus is changing so quickly, his hands and feet are bigger than mine now and it won’t be long before he’s towering above me. My little brothers are changing so quickly too, they will never be nine years old and five again.
It’s not that I want things to stay the same forever. That would be awful. Never changing, never growing, never becoming anything but what I am now, it’s only that knowledge that I can never go back that makes me sad.
I’ve never done well at saying goodbye, I remember how I used to cry whenever we had friends over and at the end of the day or two they would have to leave. I love saying hello, hello to this brand new year! What happiness and sorrow will this new year bring? What new ideas, new writing, new drawings, new blog posts, what new things are to be created over this next year? How will I change and grow? What beautiful things are to be found in those unmarked days on my calendar? It reminds me of starting a new journal, looking through the empty pages and thinking of all the words and sentences that could be written therein. So I must say a fond goodbye to this last year, with a warm hug, a kiss of my hand, and many lovely memories, and say hello with equal warmness to the new year with all its openings for new and grand adventures.
Goodbye old year! Hello new year!
Outside my window…blue grey is the sky, clouds of a soft darker color. Clouds, they drift across the sky so quickly, sent blowing by the wind, the wind which gently sends the trees swaying and the water of the pond rippling.
I’m listening to…the same wind that is blowing outside my window I can hear faintly through the glass. All will be still and then suddenly I’ll hear it pushing against the window. I can also hear the soft background piano music we have playing in the living room, my brothers noisily eating their lunch, a door closing, my fingers typing, and someone’s footsteps walking past this room.
I’m wearing…I always rather liked this prompt as I always feel like I get to describe myself as a character in a story. Would that I could talk of soft brown eyes or long rippling hair flowing down from my alabaster brow (all right, I couldn’t help myself with the last bit, could I? *grins*) Instead I must describe a rather undignified personage with blond hair which I have decided to let curl rather than try to tame. I’m wearing my new pair of dark brown Ugg boots (they were a Christmas present and I am still so, so excited about them! My other pair was worn through, you could stick your fingers right into the middle of the souls! That is what three years of constant wearing will do to a shoe, you know!) With my boots I’m wearing a pair of jeans, and a peasant style blouse with a ruffled color and cherry blossoms covering it. What I need is a rather large scarf to cover my head and a basket full of eggs so that I can prance around singing a happy little song at the top of my lungs. Much to my enjoyment, and to the displeasure of my siblings who will in an instant tell me to pipe down. Perhaps I shall sing very, very quietly…
I’m reading…I am currently reading a biography on E. B. White (I shall perhaps write up something more on that at a later date. I will only say for the present that I would have loved to have been able to meet him.) and Robin Hood by Howard Pyle, which I picked up at the library yesterday. I was rather excited, since I’m in love with all things Robin Hood at the moment. Again, I shall write up more soon. The other book that I am waiting to be reading is Lorna Doone. It is at the present at the library where they are mending it (*sad face* why don’t people take better care of books? *gentle sigh*) but it has my name on it so as soon as they are done fixing it up it will be mine to read! I’m so excited! *bounces* I recently watched the film and I can’t wait to read the book!
I’m creating…There is a story that is currently in the making on a different word document on this computer! Isn’t it so much more fun writing something when you are writing it with someone else? Oh goodness, I do love writing! Especially with a friend!
From the kitchen…this morning I woke up and made oatmeal bread while watching an episode of Robin Hood (I’m obsessed with the BBC Robin Hood. I am afraid that this obsession will soon be showing itself here there and everywhere before I can contain myself.) anyways, the smell of fresh warm bread is still filling the air. Is there any better smell to be coming from the kitchen? I think not.
One of my favorite things…letter writing. I love writing long and wordy letters and then I love peering in my mailbox every day when I know that I will perhaps get a letter sometime soon. I have a letter to write very soon by the way, I must sit down and write it. *nods*
Around the house…well, what I would really, really like to be doing around my little home this morning is reading, tucked away under the warm quilts of my bed or situated in my comfy chair, is there anything better that you could be doing this blustery and cold winter day?
My New Year’s Resolutions…
I have been thinking about this all while writing the above. In the New Year I want to be kinder, to be more patient. I want to look for the good in everyone even if in our interactions they aren’t always as pleasant as they could be. I want to be more dedicated with my studies and less easily distracted, beginning with getting up at a realistic and yet earlier time in the morning. I want to be open to growth and change.
I want to pass my Driver’s test and get my Driver’s license.
I would like to go to Australia.
I am going to try and keep my room in a tidier state.
And lastly I’m resolving to pick up my instruments and practice more.
A picture thought I’m sharing… I found this picture when I was browsing for something (I can’t remember just what at the moment, but it was something) and I really liked it so I thought I would share.
